Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Facebook, the Joy Stealer, and what is going on in my heart

It started a few weeks ago. It was a Monday morning just mindlessly scrolling through facebook, and nearly every post on my newsfeed just straight up annoyed me. Pictures of people working out, post after post about someone's diet, or pictures of people's crafts, kids having fun, people just living. We had a lovely weekend. We had gone to the zoo, had a campfire with smore's, played and laughed, lived and enjoyed our weekend. It was all our little secret because none of it had been posted out there for the world to see. All of a sudden I felt this NEED to share what we had been doing too. Not because I wanted to share it, but because I wanted everyone to know that WE were doing stuff too, we were having fun, we were playing with our kids, we were doing special things. At some point facebook and instagram had become about keeping up with the Jones' for me. Not cool. I don't think my friends have this problem, but I do! It had reached a point for me that if I didn't post pictures or evidences of any activity my kids were involved in, it was like it didn't "count". What in the world was going on in my heart? All over stupid social media! So I decided to "unplug". Took the facebook ap off my phone. Another friend joined me and removed it from hers too. I just want to live, and enjoy my kids. I don't want every moment to be captured on facebook. I want them to be OUR moments. I don't like what has been going on in my heart. Annoyance at wonderful friends who are just sharing their lives on facebook, without any ulterior motives. My heart has turned their precious moments into an ugly attack. It is all too much for me. So I am taking a step back. And wow I have actually been using my bible app, reading devotionals, and just being "unplugged". But feeling "plugged in" for the first time in a while. So I never post on this blog. And I hope to post more. I just needed to reveal MY heart today. I am so thankful that God keeps working on me, that he loves me even when I am unlovable, jealous, insecure, and broken.

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