Monday, October 7, 2013

The past 2 weeks I have been caring for my Grandmother while my aunt was out of town. My Mema is 89 years old. She is a believer. She has dementia, which has taken most all of her short-term memory. You can tell her something and she forgets it literally a minute later. Sometimes she will forget mid-conversation. She knows who I am, but sometimes is fuzzy on my name. She will put back on dirty clothes, will go to shower and forget to wash her hair, brush teeth, etc. She struggles with incontinence, and the dementia makes it really almost impossible for her to deal with that in a sanitary manner. So, this sounds pretty depressing. But, I mentioned she is a believer, remember?

She is an absolute joy to be around. She is full of smiles, gratitude, grace, and laughter. She still loves children, and will try to hop down on the floor to play with mine. She does not complain, does not feel sorry for herself. As I stand at the stove cooking her breakfast she makes lively (if a little repetitive) conversation. "I am so blessed to have a Granddaughter like you." "God has blessed me with a wonderful family" "I am so grateful for every day I have" "It is a beautiful day today" "I just marvel at nature, how God created it". Whatever I cook for her is "delicious" and appreciated. Guys, this is Jesus. This is a person filled with the Spirit. She just spills it out of her heart at 89 years old when parts of her body and a good portion of her mind have failed her, God is still working through her and blessing me in a huge way. My Grandmother was a stay at home mom most of her life, but I can tell you she has lived out the gospel as best as any human can. Slow to anger, quick to listen, full of love, not afraid to apologize. Her identity is secure, even with dementia, she has set her heart on God. And He has given her the desires of her heart, just as He promises.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Facebook, the Joy Stealer, and what is going on in my heart

It started a few weeks ago. It was a Monday morning just mindlessly scrolling through facebook, and nearly every post on my newsfeed just straight up annoyed me. Pictures of people working out, post after post about someone's diet, or pictures of people's crafts, kids having fun, people just living. We had a lovely weekend. We had gone to the zoo, had a campfire with smore's, played and laughed, lived and enjoyed our weekend. It was all our little secret because none of it had been posted out there for the world to see. All of a sudden I felt this NEED to share what we had been doing too. Not because I wanted to share it, but because I wanted everyone to know that WE were doing stuff too, we were having fun, we were playing with our kids, we were doing special things. At some point facebook and instagram had become about keeping up with the Jones' for me. Not cool. I don't think my friends have this problem, but I do! It had reached a point for me that if I didn't post pictures or evidences of any activity my kids were involved in, it was like it didn't "count". What in the world was going on in my heart? All over stupid social media! So I decided to "unplug". Took the facebook ap off my phone. Another friend joined me and removed it from hers too. I just want to live, and enjoy my kids. I don't want every moment to be captured on facebook. I want them to be OUR moments. I don't like what has been going on in my heart. Annoyance at wonderful friends who are just sharing their lives on facebook, without any ulterior motives. My heart has turned their precious moments into an ugly attack. It is all too much for me. So I am taking a step back. And wow I have actually been using my bible app, reading devotionals, and just being "unplugged". But feeling "plugged in" for the first time in a while. So I never post on this blog. And I hope to post more. I just needed to reveal MY heart today. I am so thankful that God keeps working on me, that he loves me even when I am unlovable, jealous, insecure, and broken.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Relationships that leave you feeling drained

I am SURE we all have them. Probably most of us have several. I am talking about relationships that leave you feeling EXHAUSTED and emotionally drained. It could be a friendship that is totally one-sided, a neighbor who drives you nuts, a family member who is especially challenging, a friend who only talks AT you and never listens. We all know people who fit these roles in our life. And I have to say, I am STRUGGLING with what to do with them right now. I often wonder what Christ would do with these folks. Is it awful to wonder what Jesus did with really ANNOYING people? Ha! I know we should be open and honest with them, but frankly, sometimes that doesn't seem to make any difference! Some of these relationships have been strained for decades, and I find myself giving up hope that they will ever change. I still pray for them, but what I often need is patience! Patience when I have to interact with them. Kindness in my heart. When do we just let go of these relationships? And how do we manage the ones we truly have to continue with? And where is the line between being HONEST and being unkind? If I completely disagree with EVERYTHING you are saying or feel like you are just blowing smoke, how do I say this in a nice way? How do I tell a person kindly that they never listen to anyone else and a conversation with them is an auditory assault? (Pretty sure that is not what I should say!) Any thoughts anyone? :-)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Time it is a-flyin'!

Wow, yesterday we celebrated my Mom's 63rd birthday! I am sure she can't believe she has been on this earth for 63 years. Since I had children I see time moving faster and faster every day. Last night when I went to lay down with Isaac (in his now queen-sized bed) I was struck with just how big he has grown. In another year I will be able to wear his shoes! He has grown from a chunky little baby to a tall, lanky boy! And Eden has already outgrown her crib and sleeps in a twin bed. Where have my babies gone?
One thing I know is that you never get one single minute back, once those milestones come they have passed forever. I have been so blessed to be at home with my kids. I would not trade that time for anything, and it is passing way too quickly! So, I am making an effort to live more "in the moment" with my kids. Often I find myself hopping online to "escape" via internet, and just reading crap that doesn't even matter! Then later complaining about how I don't have time to work-out, or get chores done bc I am so busy with the kids. So, I am hoping to make my internet time more purposeful, try blogging more often and surfing much less. And cutting my internet time down drastically, so I can do the things I really care about, like spending time with God, and playing (really playing) with my children, and taking care of my body instead of sitting on my butt!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


A few cute little things the kids have said lately:
"Mommy, if there was a race to see who was slowest I would surely be the winner!"
-so true :-) He is much like his Mommy and can't be rushed!

Upon being placed into time-out by Jason (sitting in the chair with fingers her pointed at him angrily)
"TWO MINUTES!!! Be Cai-Yet (quiet)! PEANUT!" (Peanut is a mean name she learned from Isaac...ha!!

Monday, November 30, 2009

What my little elves are up to this season

Wow these babies are growing up so fast and I am not even keeping up with their developmental leaps. So...I thought I would blog about a few of the latest developments with the kiddios.
Isaac is talking and expressing himself more and more every day. We have full-fledged interesting conversations now. He is asking "why" about everything and totally into pretend play. He is still not really into writing just yet, but I imagine once he turns 4 he will start getting more into that stuff. He is also dressing himself, though sometimes things go on backwards and / or inside out! He is REALLY excited about Christmas and Santa this year. He is a lot of help with Eden. He brings her toys and most anything I ask him to help with. He is loving Mom's morning out this year.
Eden has 4 teeth, 2 on top, two on bottom. And about to get her 5th one! She is still such an easy, happy baby. She sleeps better than her brother!! She has been crawling since about Halloween, mostly scooting and dragging herself around but she is working on the "real crawl". She can get anywhere she wants to go for sure! She is waving and clapping her hands now, started that on Wed before Thanksgiving. She can say Da-Da and knows what it means, she can say Mama, but only accidentally! She loves watching her brother more than anything else. She has been eating real food for a while now, and is pretty much over the bottle, though I guess I have to keep giving it to her for a few more months!